debauchery, my old friend [hijinks]

this chat transcript was sent to me in an email at 11:15 AM yesterday from one of the participants. hope you can appreciate the drunk-centricities (bazaar crew, etc.).

10:44 AM (A): om gosh lover
om gosh
where do i begin???
10:45 AM i'm sooooooo drunk right now
l slept for an hour
was really late to work
partied like a fucking rock star last night
with a bazaar crew
10:46 AM or townie pool players
hooked up with this random hottie from west virginia that lives in williamsburg
(B): weird!
oh man
me: drank from like 9 to 9am
10:47 AM saw the sun come up on a billyburg roof top
smoked a bit more than cigarettes
made friends with a guy that did 5 years in sing sing
that
wants to cook for me
haha
10:48 AM om gosh you would have LOVED it
(B): um what??
(A): dude is jamaican
has like a million dollars stored in bags around the city
has recovered most of it
like a fuckin pirate's burried treasure!!!!! no kidding
10:49 AM like the count of monte cristo!
10:50 AM has a scar on his jaw from where he was stabbed with a tooth brush in his first gang fight in prison
that went through his jaw
(B): oh god
okay
you're insane
10:51 AM (A): and cut out one of his back molars
then in his second gang fight he had his chest slashed
nice scar
10:52 AM and then his third and final fight his left lung was pierced
after that they respected him and left him alone ;)
he has his only clothing line
and used to provide drugs for like
every fucking music group you can think of that was popular in the 90's
10:53 AM (B): color me badd?
(A): his gf waited for him to get out of
hahaha
(B): please say new kids on the block
(A): prison and it's insane
haha
i didn't ask him that
dude was waaaaaaay too legit for my own good
10:54 AM (B): so how did you meet these people?
10:55 AM (A): um...
went to moonshine
the WV hottie was sitting at the bar alone
hit it off with her
it'
was her bff's bday
so she invited me to tag along
10:56 AM ended up going to like...4 or 5 dif bars
good convo
etc
we ened up making out in a bed with the bday girl passed out next to us!!!!
haha
effing classic
10:57 AM she's a singer and a nanny and had to be up by 8 and at nanny stuff by 9
we woke up at 930
and were like FUCK!
staying at some strange apt in the burg
roof top was insane
great view of midtown
with like 20 peeps
10:58 AM and weed
and smokes
and a dog running around
and my god i wish you could have seen some of the outfits on these people
(B): did you smoke crack right now? you're going a mile a minute?
!
(A): valuer jump suits with ed harvey hats and sun glasses
um
i don't think so???
10:59 AM (B): awesome
(A): just adrenaline and an americano :0
and no sleep
ok
i'm done now
haha
(B): no
tell me more
I don't mind
11:00 AM (A): i'm just hoping no one comes close enough to me to realize i'
m
effing wasted as all hell
like
holy shit
wasted
like i was drinking two hours ago
wasted
11:01 AM (B): that's insane!
(A): i feel like i should go throw up in the bathroom
sooo ghetto
11:02 AM so i'm supposed to see the chick again tonight
her bro plays in a band that is main stage at joes pub tonight
11:03 AM and apparently she's got an agent and is a really good singer
backup or something
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
that makes it even more perfect, right?
soo deceiving
i mean
looks like a cross between
11:09 AM kelly rippa
11:10 AM (B): and who?
11:12 AM (A): and evangelline lilly from lost
11:13 AM (B): oh hot
(A): right?

the quiet bandits [hijinks]

99 problems but a stitch ain't one.

family ties [hijinks]

i don't know what 'home for the holidays' means where you come from, but in the snowy hamlet of dodgeville, wisconsin, all the young folk get together at corner taps on the wednesday before thanksgiving to swill milwaukee-made ales and swap stories about bar fights. then a few of them try to pick up where they left off with now-married old flames and end up doing some bar fighting for old times' sake. well, this year my youngest brother jeremy (at right, with other brother, eric) went out and did quite a lot of the first bit, as i understand it, and in the wee hours following stumbled home to mom and pop murn's abode. as a result, i got the following email from my dad. enjoy.

rule violation

in the early hours of this morning (around 4 am, november 29) jer broke the no sleeping with the parents rule (after coming home from a night out). i was asleep next to your mother and i felt a butt pushing to get in my side of the bed. i wondered who it could be but kindly moved over to let it in, moving mom as well, expecting a practical joker. he quietly went to sleep next to me. when the alarm went off at 5 (i had to work at lands end at 6), i lifted the covers off he and i, climbed out, covered him back up and never heard a sound out of anyone.
dad

this is my milwaukee [hijinks]

this could be a good old fashioned snipe hunt, a lark. in fact, it most certainly is, in one way or another. if your "what the...?" is sufficiently perked, start by going to the this is my milwaukee page. if you find yourself still hooked, join the milieu and get into one of the many discussions being had by gumshoes all over the interweb.

UPDATE!: breaking news/clues, more discussion

nonconfrontations [hijinks]

from www.anonymouspostcard.org:

anonymous postcard is designed to allow anyone to openly communicate to a third party without the complications of personal contact. after being vetted by our staff of experts, claims that reflect the civic spirit of the project will be transformed into vague and largely indecipherable postcards and mailed towards the intended recipient.

anonymous postcard is to your unresolved gripes what postsecret is to the skeleton in your closet.

new york times special edition [hijinks]

did anyone get one of these!?!? the new york times is claiming that "a film promoter, three unnamed times employees and steven lambert, an art professor", are behind the prank, and gawker says the yes men are involved. wednesday's new york times spoof - a 14-page mock up of the july 4, 2009 edition - apparently included distribution of more than 1,000,000 printed copies in various major cities during peak morning commute hours. read the online doppelganger of the times here; read the (real) times' first reaction here. if anyone has a copy i can have or can get me a copy, please do.

LINK: hilarious thomas friedman column